WWY....Last Blog Feature Post...and What Gifts are you Thankful for, Even in Grief?

We are going to post the last few links to featured blogs. It seems that this segment of WWY has run it's course, as few people are visiting the featured blogs. I hope you will take a few minutes to visit these families this week.

Also, I would like to know what is on your heart for the next WWY? What do you think would be helpful? 

And...if you have a minute...I'd also love your opinion on a question posted in the SGM Blog Frog Community regarding a book I've been working on for awhile. Thanks so much!
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Some mamas who could use your love and support:

We lost our precious daughter, Kara, on December 26, 2009. She was 2 1/2 yrs old, and her death was ruled SUDC, Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood. Kara would have celebrated her 3rd birthday next Tuesday, on July 13th. We blogged about Kara's life with our family at http://karaannelang.blogspot.com/.

Thank you for doing what you are doing for others.
With hope,
Kathy Lang


My name is Angie
Our baby daughters name is Addison Kathelene...9/12/2010
Our family blog is OUR HEAPPY MEDIUM


My name is Tina
My babies names are Isaac & Hannah Joy
My blog is Fly Away Home To Heaven
http://flyawayhome08.blogspot.com/

This next link is their story
http://flyawayhome08.blogspot.com/2009/06/story-of-isaac-hannah-joy.html

Please stop by and show them some love this week!

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And, now...I'd like to share a repost from last year about gratefulness...and I ask you to share yourselves. What are you thankful for, even in your grief?

Reflecting on gratefulness is very valuable...especially in the throes of grief. Grief is big and consuming. The simplicity of counting our blessings refocuses a grieving heart from the giants of pain, sorrow, and hopelessness to the hope, comfort, peace, and eventually joy that waits for us on the other side of the valley. The comfort that waits for us in the arms of our Savior.


For the Lord will comfort Zion,
He will comfort all her waste places;
He will make her wilderness like Eden,
And her desert like the garden of the Lord;
Joy and gladness will be found in it,
Thanksgiving and the voice of melody.
~Isaiah 51:3

I am thankful...that I have been comforted by the Lord.


I am thankful...that His grace is sufficient.

I am thankful...that my wilderness has become like Eden, my desert like the garden of the Lord.


I am thankful...that joy has been restored, that morning has come.


I am thankful...for every moment I watched Faith and Grace and Thomas on the ultrasound screen.

I am thankful...for every hiccup, every movement, every kick, every stretching pain, (not-so-much the nausea and vomiting:).

I am thankful...for every dream that we shared together for your lives.


I am thankful...for every conversation that held your names...and for all the times your names have yet to be spoken or written.

I am thankful...that I was chosen to be your mother...for the blessing and privilege of that amazing gift.


I am thankful...that all of my children, in heaven and earth, have their daddy's dark eyes and cute nose.

I am thankful...for prayers prayed over you, songs sung to you, tears wept for you, and the love that spills from the hearts that loved you...and continue to love you.


I am thankful...that Thomas opened his eyes to look up at me and a picture captured that moment of bliss.
I am thankful...that my babies lived on Earth...and that they live in heaven.


I am thankful...Faith, Grace, and Thomas...that I carried you in my womb, held you in my arms, and forever hold you in my heart.

I am thankful...for the promise that I will hold my sweet babies once more in heaven's glory and we will never say good-bye again.

I am thankful...that because our babies lived, many families are comforted in the midst of their sorrow.


I am thankful...that our mourning has been turned into dancing...that our love has sustained the storms of grief...that our God is able to carry us through this life and keep us together as we walk with Him.

I am thankful...that God has blessed me with the boys who remain here with us, filling our house with boisterous noise and the husband who continues to make me laugh, and fills my heart with songs of joy.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
~Psalm 30:11-12

Show Some Love to Michelle, Mommy to Audrey and Kimberly, Mommy to Hudson

We are again featuring two sweet mamas on this week's Walking With You. I know that it has been awhile since we began this little showing-some-love-to-a-grieving-mama-each-week-project. That's part of the reason I've been trying to double up and feature two mothers in a week! I hope you will take some time to visit both and let them know that you are praying for them. It doesn't take much time, but it sure blesses the heart of a grieving mother to know that she is not alone.

First meet Michelle, mommy to the beautiful Audrey...

Michelle's words as they appear on her sidebar:
Jamie and I lost our first baby due to an early miscarriage and our firstborn, Audrey to severe prematurity (25 weeks) and sepsis. I blog to keep record of my journey for myself, a journal of sorts. In doing so I hope that other baby loss moms or those affected by a similar loss find some encouragement and comfort that we are not alone in our pain.

Michelle has such a beautiful smile! She has started a lovely project in memory of sweet Audrey called, Audrey's Little Light. She creates custom made scrapbook candles in memory of little ones who have left this earth too soon.

Please stop by and let her know that you are praying for her this week.

You may be familiar with the heart-warming smile of sweet Kimberly and the story of her sweet Hudson. But, please stop by and show her some love and say some prayers for her this week. I am linking to a post she wrote shortly after Hudson went home to heaven in January 2009. More of her recent blog shares about life with the latest Henninger blessing, their sweet daughter. I wanted to focus on Hudson for Walking With You, so I'm directing you to a post that tells his story. Please leave your comments there.

And, here are a few words from Kimberly as written in her profile:

We are The Henninger Family! Life has been full of many different paths and adventures in the past 3 years that we have been married. This blog is composed of all of the exciting times as well as sad times we have faced and are facing. We have a beautiful little boy named Hudson Greer who was born still after 30 weeks of pregnancy. We also have a 60-lbs lap dog named Hunter who we have had for 8 years and will always be our little baby. Both of us love Hudson and Hunter so much and are so glad they are a part of our lives. In our newest chapter we gave birth to the most resent addition to our family - Heidi Jewell. She is teaching us, just like Hudson did, so much more about life than we ever knew.

Thanks again. Have a blessed week!

Meet Beautiful Chelle and Her Daughter April....and Show Some Love to Sweet Jennifer and Her Eli

O.K....this Walking With You is a little late, but I am featuring two sweet mama bloggers this week. Hope that makes up for it! I hope you will take a few minutes to show some love to these moms this week.

Please meet Chelle and read her beautiful, heart-wrenching, and inspiring letter to her daughter April. Since you can't comment on the letter, It would be so kind of you to click on her most recent post and let her know that you stopped by her blog, and you read about her little April. Show her some love and keep her in your prayers this week!

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You may already know Jennifer and the story of her little Eli. Will you do me a favor and read the beginning of his story and then click on Jennifer's most recent post, and let her know that you are praying for her this week, anyway...even if you already read her blog. Let her know that this week, you will take some time to remember her Eli and pray for her. It really means so much to another mother walking this path...to know that she doesn't walk alone...that she is being lifted in prayer.

Thank you so much....love to all. Stay tuned...next month, we will be planning some activities to commemorate National Pregnancy Loss and Remembrance month.

We're Back! And Ready to Show Some WWY Love to my Dear Bloggy Friend, Kathryn

Please join me showing some Walking With You love to my dear bloggy-friend, Kathryn...mommy to Seth and author of the Expectant Hearts blog.

Sweet Seth was born in March 2008 and went home to heaven on October 12, 2008 due to complications from a heart condition. Please take some time to read his beautiful story as told from the heart of his sweet mama. Click here to read Seth's Story.

These words are found in the header of Kathryn's blog:

Why Expectant Hearts? When we were unexpectedly pregnant with our fourth child, he was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. As a family, which includes Sean, 11, Cary, 7, Kayleigh, 3, Seth (6 1/2 months old when he went to Heaven on Oct. 12, 2008)and Leland & I, we wait with "expectant hearts" for the miracles our Lord & Savior unfolds in our lives. This is a place to document that journey and share our stories, and those miracles, with family and friends.

Thank you in advance for showing love to this mama and taking time to pray for her and her family this week as they continue to find a way to walk this earth without their sweet baby boy...

Show Some Love to this Week's WWY Feature, Michelle and Read about her sweet Janie Beth

This week's featured blogger on WWY is Michelle Karr from The Journey of the Karr's. She shares the story of her sweet Janie Beth, who was born on December 29, 2009 and lived for 22 hours before going home to heaven on December 30, 2009. Janie suffered from a fatal form of dwarfism. Michelle has three other children, and is currently expecting one more.

In a recent post, Michelle shared the struggles of walking an emotional tightrope, as she grieves the loss of her daughter and awaits the arrival of the child growing within her womb. I think many of us can relate to those tight rope feelings.

Michelle is often offering encouragement and prayers through comments on other blogs. I hope you will take a few minutes this week to stop by and encourage and pray for her.

Also...just wanted to thank you for your kind words while I was on my soapbox last week. I knew you ladies would understand!

Have a blessed week...love to all!

Feeling a Little Protective...Stepping on My Soapbox...and Showing Some WWY Love to Two Sweet Karens

Warning...I am about to step on my soapbox a little. It's a place I rarely go, and honestly it takes quite a bit to send me there. Today, it seems necessary. Please, be patient as I get this off my chest. You see, I feel a little protective sometimes...of those I love, of close friends, and of grieving parents.

In this community, for the most part, we find love, acceptance, and support from others who have walked this path before us...those who walk alongside us. But, in real life...outside of this community...it is often a different story.

I have received some emails recently from friends...and over the years from others, as well as my own experiences that have driven me to the soapbox.

Mothers who have buried their children...mothers whose arms ache, mothers with tear-stained cheeks and broken hearts, mothers who tenderly and gingerly tiptoe back into society...only to find judgment and heartlessness or indifference.


A mother is judged for grieving the twin that was lost, when one child remains.

A mother is judged for not attending a baby shower.

A mother is judged for including the child that is in heaven when asked how many children she has.

There are so many more...but let me just stop right there! Are you kidding me? Do you know how many times I have neglected to mention my children in heaven, because I wanted to spare the feelings of someone else? I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable. Do you know how much courage it takes for a mom to share something as sacred and tender as the loss of a child?

Most of you reading here, know all too well...but for anyone out there judging these mothers who want to share the lives of the children that no one sees...please step outside of your comfort zone for just a moment. If you are a mother with children who walk this earth, imagine for a moment that someone expected you to exclude them from being mentioned as a member of your family. Imagine how you feel when your child slides into home plate, takes her first step, attends his first date, gets her first A, says his first word. Moms love to share about our children. They are the passion of our very hearts...the apple of our eyes. Do you think that a mother who doesn't get to watch all of those dreams come true for her child has any less of a desire to share about her daughter or son?

They were here...they are loved...they are missed. And, please don't misunderstand. I am not about wallowing in grief, although this ministry takes me to that place often, as I walk with others freshly flung into grief's painful path. But, I hardly think that missing your child...or mentioning his or her name when asked how many children you have should be considered unacceptable "wallowing in grief" or unhealthy behavior. Some behaviors are unhealthy. That is another issue. The cases that have been referred to us recently are not in any way cases of unhealthy grief. They are simply mothers, doing the best they can to put one foot in front of the other, to piece together the brokenness of their hearts and dreams, to honor the lives of their children, and to find some hope and peace in the new reality where they now find themselves.

Love is the key for all of us. Before we speak, may we pray that our words would be filtered through love and full of grace.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

O.K....I'm going climb off my soapbox now, stop preaching to the choir, and share with you about about two sweet Karens, and their precious babies in heaven. In the spirit of showing love and not judging or turning our backs on those who grieve, please take some time to offer these sweet mamas your encouragement and prayers this week!

Sweet Karen #1 has such a cute blog called Gott Joy! I'm not going to lie, I love me a blog title about joy! Recently, Karen shared her heart and a few "whys" in this beautiful post.

Here's a little bit about Karen's sweet baby girl Rebekah Joy from her blog:

On October 13, 2009, our baby daughter, Rebekah Joy, was born still due to a knotted and wrapped umbilical cord. This happened a few days before her "due date." I started this blog as a way to honor her little life and give praise to our precious Lord


Karen #2 is also quite sweet and full of beautiful faith. Her heart shines through her blog, and she is a lovely prayer warrior for expectant mamas. You can read more about her beautiful daughter, Faith Evangeline here. While you are visiting her blog, please take a minute to check out her pregnancy prayer list.

Thanks for listening to my vent, and please show show some love to these sweet mamas.

Featuring Holly and Laura This Week...Show Them Some WWY Love

It's time for back to school for us this week, and I'm sure for many of you, as well...but I hope you can take a few minutes to stop by and show some love to the two mamas we are featuring this week on Walking With You.

Most of you probably know my dear friend, Holly - Mommy to Carleigh, Jordan (and Kyndra, too!) and author of the Caring For Carleigh blog. Holly has such a compassionate, beautiful heart and is often found showing love and encouragement to another babylost mama. Her blog is an excellent resource for a family whose child has been diagnosed with anencephaly...and for anyone facing the loss of a child. She also serves on the board of Sufficient Grace Ministries, and is always willing to lend a hand...or swing a golf club...or serve hot dogs and ice cream...or whatever activity we find ourselves doing.

We are also featuring Laura, mommy to Virginia this week. Laura's daughter went home to heaven in May, due to a condition called cystic hygroma. You can read more about Virginia at Virginia's Story. One of her posts that really spoke to my heart shares what the body of Christ looks like in the acts of love we can display to those who grieve. Laura is currently walking through another loss, the miscarriage of her 11 week old baby. Please take some time to show her some love and pray for her this week.

Please show some love to these sweet mamas and take some time to cover their families in prayer this week. Thank you so much! Love to all...

Please Take a Moment to Show Some WWY Love to Sweet Karin...Her Smile will Brighten Your Day

I wish I had more time to write about sweet Karin, but I am only home for a few more minutes and then leaving again to work on music with our band. I don't want this Monday to pass by without asking you to take a moment this week to show some walking with you love to sweet Karin @ A Spirit of Hope.

Karin is so sweet and her smile just warms my heart and brightens my day whenever a comment from her pops up on my blog. Karin has lost two sweet little ones, and is currently expecting. Please pray for the little one being knit together within this sweet mama. Her first few posts share a little of her heart as her family walks this journey right now. I'm sure she would be blessed by your words of encouragement and your prayers. I know that a lot of us are busy right now, and it's hard to find time, or inspiration to blog. But, if you have a moment...it would be wonderful if you could visit this week's featured WWY mama.

Thanks so much...love to all...

Featuring Two Mamas This Week...Crystal and Hannah

This week, I am cheating a little. We are featuring two mama bloggers. Hope you don't mind!

The first blogger is, Crystal from Blessed to be Broken. Crystal is mommy to Calvin Phoenix and to her Rainbow baby. Her most recent post shares some pieces of her heart as she reflects on missing her sweet boy.

Crystal also has a beautiful website/project in memory of her sweet Calvin called Calvin's Cupcakes. She honors the birthdays of babies in heaven with a sweet-designed cupcake...not the kind you can eat, but the kind you can feast your eyes on! =) It's definitely worth checking out!

Please show Crystal some love and take some time to pray for her this week. She has been very faithful in reaching out to many in this community and has participated in many of our Walking With You posts.

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I hope you will also take the time to stop by and show some love to our second featured mama, Hannah from Rose and Her Lily and read about her sweet daughter, Lily. Sweet Lily was born still in March 2010.

In her most recent post, Hannah shares something I think we can all relate to as grieving moms...standing in the store aisle feeling the waves of longing and the ache for what we are missing.

Please take a few minutes and show her some love in the form of an encouraging comment, and please pray for her family this week. Thank you to those of you who have taken the time to visit each WWY mama. It means so much to a grieving heart to know she does not walk this path alone.

Love to all...

Show Some Love to Lori and Read the Extraordinary Journey of Her Sweet Megan

This week's blog feature is Lori from Our Special Needs Life, a sweet mother who has walked a path that many of us have not experienced. Just the same, she is a mother who has said good-bye to her sweet baby girl, after an almost ten-year-long extraordinary journey. Her daughter Megan's life is a beautiful testimony of God's grace and peace. Megan's joy despite circumstances is evident in her beautiful smile. Her life is truly a humbling inspiration, and I pray that you will be blessed as you read about this amazing girl.

An introduction post...

Dear Megan...a letter from a mother's heart...

Megan's battle

Megan's life and faith...

Please take some time to encourage and pray for Lori and her family this week. And, thank you so much for showing love to last week's mama, my friend Deanna. Love to all...

The Beautiful Story of Payton Rose

Thank you to everyone for showing such love and encouragement to Jenny last week!This week's featured mommy is not a blogger. She is my in-real-life friend, Deanna. She and her husband Jim attended the same high school as Tim and I...and Jim is our son's baseball coach. Jim and Deanna's son, Kenton, is also friends with our son James. It would be such a blessing if you would leave your words of encouragement in the comments on this post for Jim and Deanna. Your love, prayers, and willingness to walk with one another means so much and brings such comfort to a grieving heart.

And, now...Payton's story as told by her sweet mommy, Deanna Shoemaker...

Payton Rose Shoemaker
June 6, 2003 to July 9, 2003
Daughter to Jim and Deanna

Our precious Payton was born June 6, 2003 on a beautiful sunny day. She weighed 6lbs 6oz and was 19 1/2 inches long. I had been scheduled for a c-section right from the beginning of my pregnancy. The pregnancy went well; all tests and ultrasounds came back fine. It was a complete shock that she had such a severe defect when she was born. The doctor told us right as she was born that we would have a wedding to pay for someday……boy was he wrong!!! It was going to be a funeral instead. I knew something was wrong right away she was not crying, at least not like all those babies did on all those baby shows I had watched, and I could not compare it to Kenton’s birth because it was an emergency and I was put out. I asked Jim what was going on, he said she was moving around and kicking, and that they were giving her a bit of oxygen. The Pediatrician brought her over for a quick look, and then said they were taking her out because she was having a hard time breathing. Imagine lying on the surgery table and not being able to get up after someone tells you your baby is in distress….


Finally I get to recovery and I still have only seen Payton for maybe a minute, my OB goes to find out what is going on, everyone else at this time however is getting to see Payton having no idea that anything is wrong…

Our Pediatrician finally gets back with us to let us know he believes our daughter has a diaphragmatic hernia and will need to be transported to Toledo Children’s Hospital for surgery. I immediately want to know if she will be okay, and he believes she will be fine after surgery. Jim now has to tell family and friends what is going on, but we are not too worried at this time. Jim goes off to talk to family and friends in the waiting room while I’m in my room. I actually am pulling my hair back and putting on a bit of makeup so I look somewhat presentable for visitors.

Then all of a sudden I hear a code blue over the speaker which immediately I know is Payton, because I was the only one on the maternity floor at that time. I’m by myself and can’t get up, pushing the nurse’s button continuously until a nurse finally arrives, and she says she thinks Payton had a seizure but was not sure. They were looking for Jim and could not find him….

I later find out he was in the chapel just sitting with his mom praying for a miracle, but not feeling he had the right to ask since we were not avid church goers, Christians, but not an every Sunday ritual. Finally 3 hours after my c-section I get to get up and go see Payton. She grabs hold of my finger and looks at me and I just fall apart and cry. The medics from Toledo are there getting her prepped for transport, I just can’t believe this is happening, what did I do wrong, why did we not know? I had so many questions.

Jim now had to decide if he should stay with me or go with Payton, but the doctors encouraged him to get some rest that nothing would be done until the next day at least. So, now Payton is on her way to Toledo and we still have visitors coming expecting to see Payton, that was really hard to have to tell them she was not there……..I only had a Polaroid they had taken of her just before she left. Later when me and Jim were alone I fell apart again, but Jim was strong at this time, until around 3:00 in the morning when we get a call from Toledo that Payton is not responding to their treatment.

They need our permission to now transport her to Mott’s Children’s Hospital at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. They tell us she needs special treatment called ECMO that they cannot provide. We have no idea what they are talking about or what is going on but of course we tell them yes, we want Payton to get better, but now we are starting to worry a bit.

What is ECMO, why is she not responding, all we know is it probably is not good.

In the morning Jim leaves for Ann Arbor in tears not knowing if he will see his daughter alive when he gets there. I’m a complete basket case now, and have to wait for my doctor to release me from the hospital, but only 24 hours after my c-section I’m released and heading to see my daughter. Those of you who have had c sections know that you usually don’t even get out of bed for 12 hours and your hospital stay is at least 4 days, but I had to see my daughter.

My very good friend Linda along with her daughter Bree, my brother David and Kenton drove me to Ann Arbor, I swear she hit every bump, but actually she was only driving about 45, but I was still in a lot of pain. I have already talked to Jim and know Payton is already hooked up to the ECMO and doing better, so I’m not too worried at this point. But what is ECMO??? I have visions of this huge contraption she will be in and not even being able to touch her. But then I get there and walk into the NICU and see Payton hooked up to the ventilator with all these wires and monitors with things beeping and she is just laying there. They have to give her medications( Pavulon) that paralyze her to keep her from getting to excited, or her vitals get out of control. It kills me to this day to think about her on that drug. It was as if on some days she would look into my eyes as if to say “mommy pick me up, why are you not holding me……it just broke my heart.



I loved the days when she was able to move around and hold my finger, but it always made her vitals go up. I was also relieved to see that ECMO was not a huge contraption that Payton was encased in, it was quite amazing how it works and the ECMO techs were very helpful and honest when answering our questions. It also just so happens that the inventor of ECMO is at the hospital, I can’t remember his name, but I think he is from Australia and he came over and visited with us and told us how ECMO was helping our daughter. It was very fascinating.

We also found out that the little hole in her diaphragm was more than just a little hole. This hole had allowed all her lower organs to come up into her chest cavity. Therefore her left lung had not developed, her right lung had gotten a hole in it while they were bagging her in Defiance, and her heart was damaged due to all the organs pushing up against it. To look at her you would never know there was a thing wrong with her, but her insides were another story. She was on ECMO for 17 days and during that time had to be switched 3 times due to clotting problems, and as you all know that always set their progress back, but she did come off it, which was amazing the doctors never thought she would live without it. The had told us the day before they were going to be weaning her off ECMO in the morning and that we should hold her now because they did not think she would last long without it. They were at a point that once they took her off she would not be able to be put back on; her body was rejecting it too much.

So we hold our daughter for the first time and it is not the kind of hold I really wanted, she was hooked up to everything still and wrapped in blankets, I just wanted to hold her so close and hug her, but it was impossible, I whispered in her ear rubbed her head and ran my fingers through her hair, and Jim did the same, her SATS had never been so good. We had two of our best friends there with us at the time and they took pictures, however, we lost one of the friends who was just too overwhelmed with emotion to stay. We later found her just wondering the hallways, but I will never forget their support and love. We left that night joyful and sad at the same time, what would tomorrow bring how long would she hold on without ECMO.

We headed back to the hospital early the next morning, I want to be there while they take her off, but when we get there and walk into the NICU I immediately notice the machine is gone. The nurses are all smiling and come give us hugs, they are all amazed, Payton is keeping her own without ECMO, a glimmer of hope, Jim and I are just ecstatic. We go to the gift shop and bring her an angel bear and Kenton has pictures taped to her isolate. The next few weeks were an emotional roller coaster, trying to wean her off the ventilator to be able to go into surgery. The doctors at our hospital would not perform surgery while on ECMO, which I suppose I could have argued, but I never felt like they were not doing everything they could for her. There were many ups and downs during her one month and three days here on Earth, but Jim and I agree one of the better days was when we had our very own Hashbarger Reunion brought to us right at the hospital. You guys went above and beyond to raise our spirits, lugging coolers full of food and drink through and huge hospital. You all visited with Payton as well, making us feel very loved and helping us keep our faith strong that she would get better. Baskets were filled with gifts and treats, for Kenton and Payton both it was amazing!!!!!!!

Payton fought hard and she did not give up without a fight, the doctors did all they could, and she surprised them every now and then. The nurses were amazed at all the support we had from friends and family, they said they had never seen such support before. It was true Payton had many visitors every day; she had tons of prayers, and a family that loved her. She never did get stable enough to have surgery; we decided not to put her through it if it would not make her better. Besides the doctors said she would not even make it through a surgery if her vitals were not stable. Her SATS towards the end took longer and longer to bring back up which we knew was doing more harm than good. They tried Nitrous several times, Viagra, and eventually the oscillator vent, which I also hated!

I had asked the nurses earlier on in the month how someone would know it was time to let their child go, and they would say with a smile you will know. I told them I didn’t think I would and would never be able to make that decision. But when Jim and I got that call at home that July morning we both at the same time looked at each other and knew….it was time to let her go. Kenton had been with us through this whole ordeal almost everyday, but we chose not to take him on this day. We made arrangements for him and off we went. We made some calls to immediate family to head to the hospital to say their good byes. Upon arrival our favorite nurse Janet was in the hall and I thought “oh my God she is already gone” which is what I had prayed for towards the end. I would ask God if you want our Payton please just take her, don’t make us make that decision, but we soon realized the doctors and machines could probably have kept her alive for month’s maybe longer, but we did not want that for her, she needed to go back home, not our home, but the Lord’s. The nurse was just there to meet us and ask us what we intended to do. I had wanted her to be off the Pavulon, but they could not keep her SATS up without it, so Jim and I went in and kissed her, and talked to her, I stroked her hair, rubbed her tiny little feet and hands, I wanted to imbed everything about her into my head. I told her it was okay for her to go that Grandpa and Grandma would be there waiting for her (my parents).

We left the room while they unhooked her from everything and they then brought her into us in another private room. I was hysterical and did not want to hold her, but I knew if I did not hold her Jim would not either, and I knew he wanted to. So I held her for just a short time, which I now regret, I wish I would have brought clothes for her and dressed her, I wish I would have held her tight, but I just could not at that time. Jim held her for quite some time just gazing at his daughter; I was sitting next to him holding her hand. Grandma Barb and Great Grandma Lou held their Grand daughter as well as Uncle Dave; it was a very tearful event. Payton went home to Jesus on another beautiful day in July, although at the time we did not think it was a beautiful day …….we had to tell Kenton yet. He was only three, but smart beyond his years. We could not say nothing, I mean for the past several months he kept asking if his sister was done yet……..he had seen her, touched her, now she was gone. He was such a trooper, he told me it was going to be okay mommy…….we just need a hole in our roof and Jesus can drop Payton back down to us…….talk about heartbreak. The months passed and he asked many questions, all of which were answered honestly, he knew she was in Heaven with Jesus, and he knew when he saw mommy cry it was because she missed Payton and he would always be there with a hug.




Getting prepared for the funeral…….how do you do that when you are in such an emotional state of mind? Picking out a plot at the cemetery in tears, how do you choose a spot to lay your child to rest? How do you pick out the clothes your child will wear, going through the clothes you had bought for her to wear now never to be worn. How do you choose a casket, what music to play? I will not lie it was horrible I hated every bit of it, but it had to be done. The funeral director asked if we were going to have just a private service, and we immediately said no. He was a bit surprised, he explained that with young infants it is usually just family, but Payton had touched many hearts in her short lifetime and the day of the funeral they had to add extra chairs for all of her visitors. Though the day was sad, it was full of friends, family, and those who just wanted to help during our time of grief, we felt very blessed to have had our daughter touch so many hearts.



We still talk about Payton today, she is never far from our thoughts, and she is with us in our hearts forever. The cemetery that she is laid to rest at it just a mile from our house and we visit often. Every birthday we release balloons to her in heaven, every Christmas Eve we light a candle on her stone, and on the day of her death she always gets a visit. Her stone was designed by me and always has trinkets and flowers on it from family and friends who visit. The design on her stone is of an angel bear that was with her during her entire stay at the hospital, with roses for her middle name of course, and flowing ribbons, because our friend Jodie had made ribbons for everyone to wear to support Payton while she was in the hospital. They had a pink rosette with pale pink, blue, and yellow ribbon, and everyone wore them everyday in hopes that she would come home.



Five years later…….we have another daughter Tayah Grace, born happy and healthy on May 2nd, 2006. The pregnancy was an emotional one for me, I was worried the whole time, even after having high level ultra sounds and maternal fetal specialists the first few months of pregnancy. But never give up hope and let your fears get the best of you, God is with you always, and though he may not answer our prayers the way we want him to, he does answer them. When you lose a child hold them, take pictures( the hospital did this for us and sent them to us later on when we were in a better state of mind…..so glad I have them now) get footprints and handprints, locks of hair, you will eventually be glad you did………..keep a journal write down your feelings. I read them now and think “wow” I was really having a bad day that day, or look how far I have come. Don’t be afraid to get counseling, talk to your loved ones, let your emotions out and over time you will begin to heal, you will be a new you ……….





To read more about Payton and her family and the lovely art created by Deanna in Payton's memory, please visit their Facebook Page: Payton's Precious Memories

Show Some Love to My Friend Jennifer, Isaiah's Mommy...

I am so excited to share the story of Isaiah and this week's featured blogger, his beautiful mommy, Jennifer from His Grace is Sufficient with you on this week's Walking With You. But, first, I would like to remind you that the purpose of this segment of Walking With You is to encourage one another...so that all would know that they are not walking this path alone. I noticed participation was a little down last week, so I would just like to gently ask that you would please take just a few minutes to visit Jenny and leave her a word of support and/or encouragement. (Pleeeeaaase...=) It takes very little time, but means so much to a grieving heart.

Many of you may already know Jenny...please stop by and show her some love anyway! She has such a gentle spirit, and such a tender mother's heart. Plus, she has been faithful to "walk with me" in blogland...always encouraging me and so many others along the way. And for that, I am so grateful.

Jennifer's most recent post just blessed my soul this weekend. Please take a moment to read how the Lord whispered His love and comfort into her heart. Make sure to scroll down and read the post right before it, also, if you have time. You will see that God is truly working in her life. In going over to encourage her, you just might get encouraged yourself! (It often happens that way! I think it might be part of God's plan...as we show love to one another, we feel loved and encouraged.)

In her first blog post, Jenny shares some of her heart and the reason she chose her blog name:

Jennifer's words: I named my blog "His Grace Is Sufficient," because there is no way that I would be able to get through the day without Gods grace pouring over me. It says in
2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
My daily focus is to look at what God has allowed in my life, and how can I bring Him the glory out of it. How can I take the loss of Isaiah's life and bring something beautiful out of it.


This post talks about the first steps on Jenny's journey...and tells the beginning of Isaiah's story. I encourage you to read more parts of her story if you have time...God has carried her on an amazing journey. And, He still carries her.

Thank you so much for taking the time to walk with other moms. Now, please go show sweet Jenny some love and remember her and her family in your prayers this week!

Have a blessed week...

Featuring Elena and her Lilly...

This week on Walking With You, we are featuring sweet Elena and her blog that tells the story of her Lilly Elizabeth.


Elena's words as she shares part of the story of Lilly's amazing life:

Our youngest daughter Lilly Elizabeth was diagnosed with anencephaly at 21 1/2 weeks in utero. This is her story. She was amazing and did amazing things in her six days 5 hours and 30 minutes of life. She cried when the Dr. pulled her out. She cried often, made noises when she was hungry and rooting, was peaceful, calm, and loved. She nursed!!! She lifted her head while laying on her stomach on daddy's chest. She gripped our fingers lots of times. She smiled. She opened her eyes. She responded to noise so we know she could hear. This blog will tell in detail of her story. Lilly met and was held by over 50 people..around 30 alone her first couple of hours being born. She was given 2 hours to 1 day after birth but she went above and beyond that without being hooked up to machines or being on medication. Her heart beat and respirations were always GREAT!!! She was always calm, peaceful, and happy. Amazed even the doctors at how well she was doing. She is our little miracle and our angel. Not many people get the chance to witness a miracle, we feel lucky and blessed to have been given that chance.

Her most recent post talks about those moments of missing that wash over us from time to time...and also contains one of my own favorite "sayings". Please visit and leave her word of encouragement.

This post shares the day when everything changed for this family. We all can relate to that day in our own journeys.

Read about some of the ways Lilly's family treasured this gift of time...

I hope you will take the time and read about Lilly and her sweet mom, Elena. Even if you only leave a comment on the most recent post, it will be an encouragement and a blessing to her. Thank you so much to those of you who took the time to visit last week's featured blogger, Kim. Please take some time to show love to Elena and keep her and her family in your prayers this week.

Meet Kim ~ Kristen's Mommy, and Show Her Some Love

Our first featured blogger on Walking With You is Kim from Peace of My Heart. Kim's sweet baby girl, Kristen, was born last May and spent three precious months with her lovely family. She went home to heaven after complications from a lung surgery to remove a mass of tissue.

Kim has several beautiful posts that share her family's journey and pieces of her own beautiful heart and her faith as she walks this path. Here are just a few...

Kim's most recent post shows a picture of grief in marriage. Take a minute to read and leave a comment, letting her know you are there.

Learn more about Kristen here.

The Bear Project...beauty born from the ashes of sorrow...Kim's labor of love, offering a gift of comfort from one mommy to another.

I loved this post of Kim's called Better Than a Miracle. This post addresses what happens when we don't get the answer we were praying for in such an encouraging way. Another way to think about miracles...and a way that God has spoken to my own heart before. I love the way He revealed this to her.

This Christmas letter post has some great advice for those wishing to offer support to someone who has had a loss.

There are so many more wonderful posts, and truthfully, I'm just getting to know Kim, myself as I read through her lovely blog. I hope you will take the time to visit and comment on some of these posts and/or others that speak to your heart sometime throughout this week. Even if you just have time to visit her most recent post and leave a comment of encouragement...that would be wonderful. Please also take the time to pray for Kim and her family this week.

Whether you are a grieving mom or just someone who wishes to offer comfort and hope, you are welcome to participate. I know that I do not have a "large" audience, but it would be so nice to see each featured blogger flooded with words of hope, encouragement, and love as we let each other know that we are not walking alone. If you would like your blog to be featured, please visit this post for details. We want to allow everyone a chance to tell their stories...the stories of their precious children. I hope you will join us, and I thank you in advance for taking the time to do this. You have no idea how much just taking a moment to leave a heartfelt comment can encourage a grieving heart.

Love to all...