Feeling a Little Protective...Stepping on My Soapbox...and Showing Some WWY Love to Two Sweet Karens

Warning...I am about to step on my soapbox a little. It's a place I rarely go, and honestly it takes quite a bit to send me there. Today, it seems necessary. Please, be patient as I get this off my chest. You see, I feel a little protective sometimes...of those I love, of close friends, and of grieving parents.

In this community, for the most part, we find love, acceptance, and support from others who have walked this path before us...those who walk alongside us. But, in real life...outside of this community...it is often a different story.

I have received some emails recently from friends...and over the years from others, as well as my own experiences that have driven me to the soapbox.

Mothers who have buried their children...mothers whose arms ache, mothers with tear-stained cheeks and broken hearts, mothers who tenderly and gingerly tiptoe back into society...only to find judgment and heartlessness or indifference.


A mother is judged for grieving the twin that was lost, when one child remains.

A mother is judged for not attending a baby shower.

A mother is judged for including the child that is in heaven when asked how many children she has.

There are so many more...but let me just stop right there! Are you kidding me? Do you know how many times I have neglected to mention my children in heaven, because I wanted to spare the feelings of someone else? I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable. Do you know how much courage it takes for a mom to share something as sacred and tender as the loss of a child?

Most of you reading here, know all too well...but for anyone out there judging these mothers who want to share the lives of the children that no one sees...please step outside of your comfort zone for just a moment. If you are a mother with children who walk this earth, imagine for a moment that someone expected you to exclude them from being mentioned as a member of your family. Imagine how you feel when your child slides into home plate, takes her first step, attends his first date, gets her first A, says his first word. Moms love to share about our children. They are the passion of our very hearts...the apple of our eyes. Do you think that a mother who doesn't get to watch all of those dreams come true for her child has any less of a desire to share about her daughter or son?

They were here...they are loved...they are missed. And, please don't misunderstand. I am not about wallowing in grief, although this ministry takes me to that place often, as I walk with others freshly flung into grief's painful path. But, I hardly think that missing your child...or mentioning his or her name when asked how many children you have should be considered unacceptable "wallowing in grief" or unhealthy behavior. Some behaviors are unhealthy. That is another issue. The cases that have been referred to us recently are not in any way cases of unhealthy grief. They are simply mothers, doing the best they can to put one foot in front of the other, to piece together the brokenness of their hearts and dreams, to honor the lives of their children, and to find some hope and peace in the new reality where they now find themselves.

Love is the key for all of us. Before we speak, may we pray that our words would be filtered through love and full of grace.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

O.K....I'm going climb off my soapbox now, stop preaching to the choir, and share with you about about two sweet Karens, and their precious babies in heaven. In the spirit of showing love and not judging or turning our backs on those who grieve, please take some time to offer these sweet mamas your encouragement and prayers this week!

Sweet Karen #1 has such a cute blog called Gott Joy! I'm not going to lie, I love me a blog title about joy! Recently, Karen shared her heart and a few "whys" in this beautiful post.

Here's a little bit about Karen's sweet baby girl Rebekah Joy from her blog:

On October 13, 2009, our baby daughter, Rebekah Joy, was born still due to a knotted and wrapped umbilical cord. This happened a few days before her "due date." I started this blog as a way to honor her little life and give praise to our precious Lord


Karen #2 is also quite sweet and full of beautiful faith. Her heart shines through her blog, and she is a lovely prayer warrior for expectant mamas. You can read more about her beautiful daughter, Faith Evangeline here. While you are visiting her blog, please take a minute to check out her pregnancy prayer list.

Thanks for listening to my vent, and please show show some love to these sweet mamas.