For those walking the path of grieving the loss of a baby or child, we offer grace for the journey and a friend to walk with you... There are moments on this walk when we feel we cannot go on. Moments when a friend comes alongside us to point us again to the One who sustains us. A friend to lift us in prayer. A friend to allow us to lean on her as she leans on Him. A friend, who is not afraid to walk through the valley in the rain, with a storm mounting. She is not afraid, because the Lord is her strength and her shield. She is not afraid because she doesn't walk alone. And because He has walked with her through the valleys and the storms, He has sent her to walk with you. And He will carry you both through the rain, through the storm, through the unknown dark alleys to secure, dry ground. Whether you are a newly bereaved mother or a seasoned mom who has watched the Lord make beauty from ashes in your life. Whether you need someone to lean on or you are the shoulder that can bear the burden, we hope you will walk with us as we are walking with Him. We hope you will join us with our broken umbrellas, with all our little quirks and imperfections in our various stages on this walk, as His grace washes over us in the pouring rain.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Feeling a Little Protective...Stepping on My Soapbox...and Showing Some WWY Love to Two Sweet Karens

Warning...I am about to step on my soapbox a little. It's a place I rarely go, and honestly it takes quite a bit to send me there. Today, it seems necessary. Please, be patient as I get this off my chest. You see, I feel a little protective sometimes...of those I love, of close friends, and of grieving parents.

In this community, for the most part, we find love, acceptance, and support from others who have walked this path before us...those who walk alongside us. But, in real life...outside of this is often a different story.

I have received some emails recently from friends...and over the years from others, as well as my own experiences that have driven me to the soapbox.

Mothers who have buried their children...mothers whose arms ache, mothers with tear-stained cheeks and broken hearts, mothers who tenderly and gingerly tiptoe back into society...only to find judgment and heartlessness or indifference.

A mother is judged for grieving the twin that was lost, when one child remains.

A mother is judged for not attending a baby shower.

A mother is judged for including the child that is in heaven when asked how many children she has.

There are so many more...but let me just stop right there! Are you kidding me? Do you know how many times I have neglected to mention my children in heaven, because I wanted to spare the feelings of someone else? I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable. Do you know how much courage it takes for a mom to share something as sacred and tender as the loss of a child?

Most of you reading here, know all too well...but for anyone out there judging these mothers who want to share the lives of the children that no one sees...please step outside of your comfort zone for just a moment. If you are a mother with children who walk this earth, imagine for a moment that someone expected you to exclude them from being mentioned as a member of your family. Imagine how you feel when your child slides into home plate, takes her first step, attends his first date, gets her first A, says his first word. Moms love to share about our children. They are the passion of our very hearts...the apple of our eyes. Do you think that a mother who doesn't get to watch all of those dreams come true for her child has any less of a desire to share about her daughter or son?

They were here...they are loved...they are missed. And, please don't misunderstand. I am not about wallowing in grief, although this ministry takes me to that place often, as I walk with others freshly flung into grief's painful path. But, I hardly think that missing your child...or mentioning his or her name when asked how many children you have should be considered unacceptable "wallowing in grief" or unhealthy behavior. Some behaviors are unhealthy. That is another issue. The cases that have been referred to us recently are not in any way cases of unhealthy grief. They are simply mothers, doing the best they can to put one foot in front of the other, to piece together the brokenness of their hearts and dreams, to honor the lives of their children, and to find some hope and peace in the new reality where they now find themselves.

Love is the key for all of us. Before we speak, may we pray that our words would be filtered through love and full of grace.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

O.K....I'm going climb off my soapbox now, stop preaching to the choir, and share with you about about two sweet Karens, and their precious babies in heaven. In the spirit of showing love and not judging or turning our backs on those who grieve, please take some time to offer these sweet mamas your encouragement and prayers this week!

Sweet Karen #1 has such a cute blog called Gott Joy! I'm not going to lie, I love me a blog title about joy! Recently, Karen shared her heart and a few "whys" in this beautiful post.

Here's a little bit about Karen's sweet baby girl Rebekah Joy from her blog:

On October 13, 2009, our baby daughter, Rebekah Joy, was born still due to a knotted and wrapped umbilical cord. This happened a few days before her "due date." I started this blog as a way to honor her little life and give praise to our precious Lord

Karen #2 is also quite sweet and full of beautiful faith. Her heart shines through her blog, and she is a lovely prayer warrior for expectant mamas. You can read more about her beautiful daughter, Faith Evangeline here. While you are visiting her blog, please take a minute to check out her pregnancy prayer list.

Thanks for listening to my vent, and please show show some love to these sweet mamas.


  1. Thank you, Kelly, for stepping on your soap box and standing up for all of us baby loss families. I appreciate your support and love.

  2. Kelly, I'm sorry for whatever happened that stirred up those feelings. You did a beautiful job of sharing what each one of us grieving mothers feels. My own similar experiences often leave me hurt and angry. Even though your "venting" addresses the other side, it also reminds me that I need to be loving instead.

  3. Soapbox was great :) Going to check out the Karens!

  4. Right on the money! GO get em! Somebody's got to speak the truth.

  5. Thanks for the soapbox message. It's a terrible thing to lose a child (or children) and I pray people will start stopping and thinking before commenting to bereaved parents.(((HUGS)))

  6. YES!! I have a little notebook/calendar/wallet thing I carry with me everywhere (I would be lost without it ha!) and in the front cover, I have Ephesians 4:29 written down as a reminder to myself always.

  7. Thanks for the soapbox... couldn't agree more :) Going to check out both Karens during the rest of my lunch break...

  8. I follow both Karens! I love seeing both lovely women I already know as well as new friends featured here. I'll be showing them some extra love.

    Thank you for getting on your soapbox. You wrote a very powerful message, and I hope those who need to hear it, do.

  9. Sometimes people outside of this community just don't get it, and that is so hard. I feel safe in this community of people and am so grateful it exists (not the situations that brought us here but that we can support each other). I hope that one day through all these discussions those who haven't walked in our shoes will be better educated and more accepting of our priceless babies!

  10. Something tells me this particular soapbox is big enough for the lot of us. Well said, Kel.

  11. Thank you for sharing this, Kelly....I appreciate your heart on this.

    Also, thank you for featuring me and the other precious Karen (who I already follow and will go visit this afternoon). It was a timely post because my heart has been a little heavy these past few days. The changing of the seasons and the upcoming anniversary of when Rebekah went to Heaven has been hard on me. But you have encouraged me so much and so have all those that took time to post. I praise God that He used you and others in my life to get me through this 'weary' time. May God richly bless you and your much needed ministry.

  12. I'm glad you got on your soapbox!! It upsets me when other moms share instances of being judged like that. Infuriating!!

    And I follow both Karens! Yay!

  13. I think we all have been in that situation more than once. I pick and choose who I decide will be able to accept me including Payton as part of my family. I can sometimes sense the ones that will be extremely uncomfortable with it, but I carry her picture with all the rest of my kiddos and share it as well. And sometimes I should probably put a bar of soap in my mouth because someone has upset me soo much or judged me without having a clue......thanks Kelly.